All These Things That I've Done
by CJ-Tashio
Summary: After Kikyou gives InuYasha a wound to his stomach, InuYasha starts thinking about his past. Does he regret it? Does he wish he could just...float away? OneShotSong Fic Probably a lil OOC


All These Things That I've Done

- When there's nowhere to run

Is there room for one more son?-

His heart finally stopped pounding when he saw his loved one walk away from him. His muscles weren't tense, and he felt suddenly limp. Falling to his knees he tipped his head upward to the sky. Blood was leaking from his chest, and his amber eyes were giving away it's beautiful color. Why had she wanted to kill him? Was it because she wanted revenge for what she thought he did to her? Or was it…just because she really didn't love him?

The man growled and bent over. Drops of blood quickly dropped to the ground he stared at. It was surprising that he wasn't dead by down. Almost every fight he got into to he lost a good amount of blood. Maybe it was because his heart wanted him to live. To live to make up with his loved one. Kikyou.

- If you can hold on…

If you can hold on, hold on.-

' Kikyou…why did you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this!' He growled deep into his throat and tried to force himself up onto his feet. All it really did was make him scream in pain and fall face first into the ground.

" Kikyou…you really got me good this time…" InuYasha chuckled. He couldn't die now. Naraku was still alive…and Kikyou hadn't been put to rest. He remembered when Kikyou saw him for the first time…when she was brought back from the dead in her so-called-body of hers.

Her white was just as white as it was that day. Her expression was priceless. Happy, yet betrayed that she was brought back from the death she had longed for, for so long. InuYasha had to agree, it wasn't great being brought back from a 50 year old slumber. The half-demon pushed himself up off the ground with his arms. He stayed there for awhile when a shocked facial expression slapped onto his face. Blood poured from his mouth and spilled on the ground. Hacking coughs rang threw the woods.

InuYasha winced as he pushed himself on his shins. Watching the blood spread across the ground made him think of Kikyou again.

" Kikyou…" He paused to think. " Why?" Taking his arm, he rubbed the blood from his bottom lip clean.

- I wanna stand up…

I wanna let go.

You know, You know.

No you don't, you don't.-

" I guess I better get back to the others…before Kagome gets on my case about visiting Kikyou." He also knew that he better clean off his haori and body before he went back. Miroku would know the smell of blood covering him in a second.

Miroku…Miroku was one of his friends. Guy friend his should say. Probably the only guy he had ever had in a long time. Maybe ever. Would he cry if Miroku died? Maybe. It was up to InuYasha if he would cry over anyone's death or not. Wait…why was he asking himself such stupid questions! This was stupid! He has to go clean himself off before he got "sit" by Kagome!

- I wanna shine on in the hearts of men

I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand-

As he approached a hot spring, InuYasha though about his past. It wasn't all that great honestly. His father had died before his birth…or was it on the day of his birth? He couldn't remember. He just knew that his mother was sad. Then his mother had died when he was just a small pup. And so he wandered everywhere, trying to defend himself. Then…he met Kikyou.

InuYasha removed his haori and let it simply drop to the ground. Blood was still bleeding from his wound…just not near as bad at it did. Maybe the warm water from the spring would help it keep from bleeding, he thought. He slipped off the undershirt and set it nest to the red blood soaked haori. InuYasha removed the rest of his clothing and slowly went into the water.

- Another head aches, another heart breaks

I am so much older than I can take.-

The hanyou whimpered lightly as the water touched his wound. It felt as though someone stuck several arrows through him.

His meeting with Kikyou was painful, he had to admit. Kikyou called for him and then…when he had let his guard down, suddenly shoved a purifying arrow threw his gut. He flew backward onto his back and a large whole was now in his stomach. Then Kikyou simply left without saying a word. For some reason…his wound got him thinking about everything in life. His past was the first think he though about when walking to the hot spring. Oddly enough, he regretted it now.

Just for meeting Kikyou.

If he hadn't met Kikyou, then he wouldn't have got shot to the tree. Kikyou would have probably had children if a man that loved her more than he did at the time. Kikyou would have died peacefully instead of in hatred towards him. Miroku and Sango wouldn't be on a wild goose chase, and Kagome wouldn't be in danger. Shippo's parents might have still been alive. And the last, more important thing was, that the Shikon Jewel wouldn't be a problem for him.

- And my affection, well it comes and goes.

I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Help me out. -

InuYasha grabbed his head in confusion. If he didn't met Kagome, then he would be still a cold, heartless, half-demon. You knows? He might have been killing humans by now if he hadn't met the girl from the future. The Tetsusaiga, he wouldn't have gotten the Tetsusaiga if he hadn't met Kagome. Kagome. The main reason he was living was because of Kagome, right? Or was it just to get the Shikon Jewel? He was confused and uncertain of his goals by now.

He was going crazy. Right? Wrong? What! " WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN MY HEAD!" InuYasha screamed at the top of his lungs and went under water. Maybe…if he just relaxed for a moment and thought things out in a calm matter…he could sort things out in his head. Too bad he had to come up from air after 20 seconds under water. Gasping for air, InuYasha leaned back. He wanted to float away…then he didn't have to deal with love, pain, blood, and most of all…death. If he could disappear would everything be okay? Most likely not, InuYasha. He chuckled, everything would be hell if he left now.

- Yeah, you know you got to help me out

Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner.

You know you got to help me out yeah.-

After washing himself off, he quickly washed his clothes clean. Some stains were still soaked into the clothing, but nothing that Kagome would notice. He sniffed the haori, checking it the scent of blood was still on it. Not scent came from the clothing except that of InuYasha's, and so, he put the clothing back on. His wound was healing faster than he thought it would.

' I guess the water helped it…' InuYasha grinned.

Leaping into the air, he glided the sky like a bird. The wind pushed back his silver like hair from his face. It was a cool day. Everything seemed to lift InuYasha up in a instant. Unlike him, he let out a small child like laugh. He remember when his mother told him about his father taking her out on trips into the star lit night. " It was wonderful…your father was such a lovely man." Her eyes lighted up. He never met another woman like his mother except for Kagome. Kagome's lighted up just like his mothers, bright and with happiness and excitement. It always made him happy as a child, and it still does.

- And when there's nowhere else to run

Is there room for one more son?

These changes ain't changing me

The cold-hearted boy I used to be.-

His feet met with the ground once again, and the smell of burning wood came to the boy's nose. Kagome was making something again or they were just trying to build a fire for the cold night ahead of them. Kagome lifted up her head and smiled at the boy as he came into view. She noticed his calm expression and wondered if something had happened. ' I better not ask or else he'll snap at me. Who knows, maybe this time he won't be bouncy but instead relaxed.'

InuYasha gave Kagome a small grunt when she said hi to him. Kagome shrugged, picked up the spoon that was in her lap, and began stirring the food in the bowl above the fire once again. Shippo came out from his hiding spot and clung onto InuYasha's shoulder. " InuYasha! You came back! What took you so long huh?" Shippo questioned rather loudly.

InuYasha groaned and just rolled his eyes. He didn't want to talk, let alone to SHIPPO, out of all people. His eyes shifted to Kagome, we wanted to talk to her. After it was dark, he decided, he would try to get a chance to talk to her in private. After all, Kagome has said before that she was there to listen to his problems if he ever needed someone to talk to. He didn't think that he'd actually use that advice someday.

It wasn't til Sango and Miroku took Shippo out was when InuYasha got the chance to talk to Kagome. He has limited time, but it seemed that he has just enough time to get what he wanted say. Hopefully.

Kagome say next to him, just looking up at the stars in trance of beauty. InuYasha swallowed air. He was really nervous, his hands were shaking, and he tired so hard to keep his ear from wildly twitching. Kagome blinked, and turned her head to look at him. " InuYasha…are you okay?" InuYasha's hand were shaking and he tucked him under his sleeves. " Y-Yeah! But um…" There was moment of silence.

- Yeah you're gonna bring yourself down.

Yeah you're gonna bring yourself down.

Yeah you're gonna bring yourself down.-

" Kagome." He voice got serious. " Can I tell you something?"

" Sure InuYasha. What is it?"

" About my past, you know it's been…uh…painful."

" Yeah."

" If I didn't met Kikyou…what…what do you think would have happened? I mean…to you and Miroku and Sango…you know."

Kagome's back got suddenly stiff. She didn't want to sit him, because he was finally opening up to her now. " Well…I most likely wouldn't have destroyed the jewel or have met you." She started.

" I would most likely be living a plain and simple life. Miroku might be still after Naraku, maybe, and Sango…she might still have Kohaku back."

InuYasha's eyes stared at the ground. " I see. So if I hadn't met Kikyou then all the things that have happened wouldn't have happened then? Great…" A depressed feeling covered him like the night.

" But InuYasha…all these things happened for a reason. Everything happened for a reason, like…when I saw you and Kikyou together. I saw that for a reason. And so, whatever happens to you, it's for a reason." Kagome smile up at him.

- I got soul but I'm not a soldier.

I got soul but I'm not a soldier

I got soul but I'm not a soldier-

InuYasha's eyebrow raised a inch. So…he finally knew why Naraku had wanted Kikyou. Why Kagome came to him in the Feudal Era. Why Miroku's grandfather had gotten the curse from Naraku in his hand. Why Sango's village has been slain. It was all because of destiny. Every little event was to lead up to a happy ending or a bad ending. InuYasha came very clear on that now.

- You're gonna bring yourself down, yeah.

Don't put me on the back burner

Your gonna bring yourself down, yeah

Over and in, last call for sin.-

InuYasha grinned inside, feeling complete now. " Kagome."

Kagome nodded her head and smiled.

" Your welcome InuYasha." She could see in his eyes that he was saying Thank you, even though he couldn't say it in words. InuYasha had a hard time trying to say things, but she could just find the words in his colorful eyes. InuYasha sighed and leaned back onto the grass. The stars flicked and shined brightly. Just like Kagome's eyes. Just like his mother's eyes.

- While everyone's lost, the battle is won.

With all these things that I've done

All these things that I've done

If you can hold on…

If you can hold on…-


End file.
